Quotes
Posted by mandy
(Jeff texting mandy on MSN from his phone)
Jeff says (7:42 PM): ahhh my thumbs hurt
* says (7:43 PM): already?! omg you twimp (texting wimp? idunno) lol
(Jeff was getting a midnight snack and hit mandy in the face with the fridge door)
*narrating*
mandy: how did mandy die?!??
mandy: A FRIDGE DOOR.. HIT HER.. IN THE FACE!
(Dane Cook reference)
(So we were on a cruise to the Bahamas for 4 days and the bathroom systems sucked, so Jeff decided to “not go doodie” until we got back to the hotel– ……4 days later)
*We arrive at the hotel and Jeff runs for the bathroom and comes out 5 minutes later*
Jeff: ohhhhhh myyyyyy godddddd I feel like I’m walking on water
Jeff: I feel like I just lost 5 lbs!!
Jeff: I was holding it the whole time!!!
(We were at Subway getting lunch and there was only one regular italian bread left, and Jeff being the nice boyfriend he is, let me have it while he had to have the Hearty Italian one)Jeff: *making a mess and getting crumbs all over the place*
mandy: you got hearties on yer chest, ev!
(We were driving to the gym and “Heaven” by Angels & Airwaves started playing and mandy started air-drumming…)
mandy: Look! I’m David Kennedy! =)
Jeff: David Kennedy doesn’t play drums.
mandy: He did at *my* AVA show!! Trust me. The only part of the show that I remember is when David Kennedy was beating it.
*At Busch Gardens, watching alligators*
Jeff: omg it’s going to eat that bird!!
mandy: OMG
*30 minutes later*
Jeff: oh ohhhhh, it’s swimming to the bird!
Jeff: it has no idea
mandy: move bird, move!!
*Jeff throws pellets of food and accidently hits alligator in the eye*
Lady: what the hell is your problem?!
Lady: how would you like it if people threw stuff in your eye???!?
Son: don’t worry…. she does that to a lot of people…
*buying a pina colada at Universal*
Lady: Sir, this doesn’t have any alcohol in it..
Jeff: oh that’s ok i’m not 21 yet anyway
*Driving back to the hotel from Universal Studios*
Jeff: um… I think we’re lost..
Jeff: I remember that.. Florida’s Natural… thing
Mandy’s Dad: we’re not lost.
Jeff: mmk..
*45 minutes later*
Mandy’s Dad: We’re lost.
(we were like 35 miles out of the way)
*driving to Orlando and using a cellphone GPS for directions*
Navigation: Make the next legal U-turn.
Navigation: You are not on a road.
Navigation: Make the next legal U-turn.
Navigation: Recalculating route.
*getting off the Men In Black ride at Universal*
Lady: *sniff*
Lady: WHAT is that SMELL??!?!? O_o
Lady: Do you SMELL THAT??!?!?
*Jeff, having a guilty look on his face, tried his best not to burst out laughing*
*a few minutes later, everyone smells something stinky*
Jeff: whatever you smell… that’s NOT me..
Jeff: I SWEAR.
*It’s 1AM and we’re about to go to bed, and we decide we’re thirsty. It’s too late for room service and we have no drinks left, so we drive to the nearest gas station like 10 minutes away and get drinks, and then go back to bed. The next morning we wake up and find a fridge full of drinks and snacks*
*Jeff and mandy are driving in the car and all of a sudden a bird swoops down in front of the car*
*Jeff ducks*
Jeff: oh shit!!
*Jeff farts*
Jeff: ahhhhhhh that’s some stinky stuff!!
*Jeff np: Sum 41 – March Of The Dogs [ Underclass Hero ] [00:03m/03:09m(1%)/263Kbps/44KHz/MP3]
mandy: yer a dog
Jeff: yer a gopher
mandy: yer a hamster
Jeff: yyer a weasle
mandy: yer a meerkat
mandy: IM GIVING YOU ALL THE CUTE ONES
Jeff: yer a piece of poop
mandy: STOP GIVING ME A CRAP ANIMAL
Jeff: :s
mandy: lol
Jeff: LMAO
Jeff: LMAO
Jeff: LITERALLY!
Jeff: HAHAHAH
mandy: give me a good one :|
Jeff: yer a lovely ev
Jeff: :D
*mandy calls Jeff at 3 AM*
mandy: ev, we have termites :(
Jeff: (asleep/unconscious) you have….to call….the Ter…minatorrrr….
mandy: *trying incredibly hard not to burst out laughing*
(I think he meant “exterminator” :P)
*Riding Sheikra at Busch Gardens, Florida*
mandy: *screaming* WHAT THE HELL!!!!!! NOBODY TOLD ME THERE WAS A SECOND 300 FOOT DROP!!!!!!
*unaware that the camera is RECORDING*
Jeff: that’s okay, we’ll edit it
Jeff: now you do it
Jeff: ughHELLOOO!
Jeff: do you know how to do it??
mandy: uh yea
mandy: don’t be against .. the door
Jeff: so you stand over here
*we switch places*
Jeff: and you go, “this is Jeff, my boyfriend, he lives in New York”
mandy: k. hold.. woah
mandy: can’t even see you
mandy: do you want me to zoom in?
Jeff: no *steps forward*
*zooms in anyway*
mandy: k
Jeff: is this good? this is where you were standing
mandy: rite.
mandy: ugh! can’t even press the button!
mandy: okay, what am i supposed to say??
Jeff: this is Jeff…….. my boyfriend…. he lives in New York
mandy: ok..
*camera shuts off*
12 Days of Cruising song— Jeff & Mandy
<@mandy> JEFF DOESN’T DOODIE
<@Jeff> i wish
<@mandy> why?
<@Jeff> think about all the time you spend on the john
<@Jeff> how much that adds up
<@Jeff> :s>.<
<@mandy> poor john
<@mandy> :(
<@Jeff> haha
<@mandy> always has to deal with everyones sh*t
<@mandy> literally
<@Jeff> rofl
<+nobody> i do my business and get out
<+Tiger> pretty much all he sees are assholes too
<@Jeff> and
<@Jeff> cunts
<@Jeff> :P
<+Tiger> well I’m sure he don’t mind that
<@mandy> he has to listen to people piss and moan all day
* +Tiger runs back and waits for another opportunity to say something fitting…
http://tinyurl.com/28b87b— mandy
ahhh frickERRRRR— Jeff
Ass (TFlashIRC@privatehost-AA8362E2.nwrknj.east.verizon.net) has joined #besttechie
Ass was kicked by mandy (mandy)
aw hell nah why dun I jus git out thuh kitchin— Mandy’s mom
Basically, it’s a big chicken nugget— Jeff
Battle of Michael Jackson songs on Facebook – http://twitpic.com/9jgjw— Jeff & Mandy
Big Sex & liddul sex
Bob Crampers
brbdonut
bum bum tish
Cooooooooooooke— Jeff & mandy
cuppycake song
Cut off the circ!— Jeff
cuuuuuutieee!
dahaha— mandy
DAMNIT! that’s some HOTTTTTT chocolate…yah..*confused look*— Jeff
dane, cook my bottom!— Jeff
Deck 9. Lido.— mandy
Din-din from Jing-Jing— Mandy’s Mom
eat roflcakes!— Jeff
ev i gots crampers :(— mandy
ev you owe me 5 bucks— Jeff
ev, scroll over!— Jeff
G. Roper
GAS-HOLE!— mandy
gosh bottom!— Jeff
Guy: Hi, would you like to sign up for
Jeff: sorry, we don’t sign anything without our parents’ permission
Guy: wait, how old are you guys??
Jeff: 17
Guy: ohh, sorry!
harrible/horrible
hey look, another subaru!— Jeff
hey VERMONT… my mom says yer COLD! (x50)— Jeff
High five that crap— Jeff
High noon tea too— usrbingeek
HOTTTTTTT POCKETTTTT
housequakes and tummyaches— mandy
i eat poop— Jeff
I had a Morlet (Merlot) =)— mandy
I have stigmatism— Jeff
I love you with all of my heart….. forever!— mandy
I never liked Chico!— Jeff
I pants’ed her!— Jeff
i’m having itchues!!! :(— mandy
i’m not paying the gas for that guilt trip :|— mandy
itchy malitchy— mandy
Jeff & Mandy went to Friendly’s for lunch and 45 minutes later upon returning to the car to leave, unbeknownst to Mandy, Jeff’s leather seats were boiling lava hot from sitting directly in the sun. As she proceeded to get in the car, her pants began to slide down causing her to yelp, “HOT ASS! HOT ASS!” as her bottom made contact with the scorching leather interior.— mandy
Jeff was eating dinner in the kitchen and was inhaling his food as usual.mandy: would you like a shovel?
Jeff: nah, a fork works okay
Jeff was tickling me, making me laugh uncontrollably. I tried to say “don’t!” and “stop it!” but said “don’t don’t stop it!!”— mandy
Jeff’s Mom: tell him where we are
mandy:: we’re on mimosa
Jeff: yer on mimosa!
mandy: ya but we’re going the wrong way :(
Jeff: ahhh I just sneezed outta my bottom!!!!
mandy: ….you sneezed out of your bottom?
Jeff: I guess thats a fart ahahahaha
Jeff: do not enter!! do not enter!!!
Mandy’s Dad: ok ok i won’t!
Jeff: ev my elbow hurts!! rub ittt :(
*mandy rubs his elbow*
*Jeff starts making odd moaning sounds*
mandy: stop sounding like yer having an orgasm! :s
Jeff: ev, give me 5 reasons why poop belongs in the toilet
mandy: it’s stinky..
mandy: it’s stinky..
mandy: it’s stinky..
mandy: it’s stinky..
mandy: it’s stinky!!!
Jeff: ev, what is one part of your body that always smells?
mandy: your nose!
Jeff: go shower yer bum
mandy: just my bum?
mandy: that shouldn’t take too long
Jeff: HELLOOOOOOOO!
mandy: hi
Jeff: how much does the cruise cost again?
mandy: $1230.18
Jeff: sure?
Jeff: who do I make it out to?
mandy: me
mandy: noo just kidding! make it out to my mom!
mandy: i’d just go out and buy a new camera!
Jeff: so make it out to her so she could go out and buy it for you?
mandy: noo!!!
Jeff: why?
mandy: she wouldn’t!
mandy: she doesn’t think i need a new camera!
mandy: she doesn’t know anything!
Jeff: that’s like saying my mom says i don’t need a new computer, but i do!
mandy: touche!
Jeff: hunktooie hunktooie
mandy: hunktooie hunktooie
Jeff: i got a doodie in mah butt
Mandy’s Dad: do you have to go?
Jeff: no
*Mandy’s dad slams on the brakes*
Mandy’s Dad: how ’bout now?
mandy: hey! my head was down there!!
Mandy’s Dad: down where?!
Jeff: I hope they let me back into the cunt
Jeff: …tree
Jeff: i know who fatnick is
mandy: who?
Jeff: santa claus
Jeff: i’m an ice ice baby maker!
mandy: …
mandy: what?!
Jeff: Kat,
Jeff: did you see my shirt?
Jeff: <-- Hebrew Hunk
Jeff: lol
*Jeff is the hottest geek boy
Jeff: ^_^
mandy253: lol
Jeff: what its true
Jeff: lol
Jeff: I have the pix to prove it too
Jeff: lol
mandy253: lol i took 2 days off school to fix my computer =X
Jeff: o_O
Jeff: lol
Jeff: bad mandy!
Jeff: LOL
*Jeff hugs mandy
Jeff: sorry
Jeff: :\
mandy253: and its not like teachers believe u anymore when u say “my computer crashed”
Jeff: lol
Jeff: yea
Jeff: i know exactly what you’re talking about
Efwis: yeah, thats gettgn as bad as the old “my dog ate my homework”
Jeff: though
Jeff: i can never get away with that
mandy253: lol i havent had to resort to that yet
Jeff: my pc never crashes
Jeff: lol
mandy253: this is like the 10th time ive had problems with mine
Jeff: lol
Jeff: aww
Jeff: you need a geek in your life ^_^
mandy253: lol!
Jeff: know what was a pain, so yesterday when i was hooking up my new router i unplugged everything (including my modem) well it must have been long enough that my ip was released and now i have a new one :(
Jeff: so i had to fix all my dns
Jeff: for my home server sites
usrbingeek: my IP changed yesterday, first time in a very long time
Freekie: as did mines
Jeff: i had the other ip for years
Jeff: lol
Jeff: yesterday freekie?
Jeff: musta been national ip reset day or something
Jeff: my pizza is taking forever to get here!
mandy: that’s because they know it’s for you and they’re making it extra special ^_^
Jeff: night all!!! work tomorrow!! :D
mandy: goodnight everyone
Jackb: Bet you $5 those 2 will be talking for a few more hours..
Jeff: LMAO!
Jeff: how the hell did you know :P
mandy: =P
SubWolf: Jeff & Mandy sittin’ in a tree…
VI: f u c k i n g
Jeff: so we went on Mission Space at Disney
Jeff: and i was the captain
mandy: ya, and i was the co-mander! :D
Jeff: sosrs.
mandy: saucers.
Jeff: that looks hard
mandy: yer hard
Jeff: THINK OF THE TOILETS!
mandy: what are we gonna do, go around encouraging constipation?
Jeff: lets have a movement!
mandy: A BOWELL MOVEMENT?!
Jeff: ubuntu?
mandy: ibuntalso.
Jeff: we live almost 1000 miles apart
Jeff: FRICK!!!!!!!!! ALMOST?!
*SKIPS AWAY*
Jeff: we’re in for a bumpy ride
mandy: yer a bumpy ride
Jeff: you are…
mandy: SO FAT.. it’s not even funnnny!
mandy: :|
Jeff: you know what i always thought when people said “touche”?
mandy: what?
Jeff: touch-y
Lady on airplane: vhen are vee leaving?
Pilot: Now. (/arnold schwarzenegger)
Lalala I can’t hear youuuuuu!— Jeff
liddul hick
LMAOnade— mandy
Look at the fish eating the bird!— Jeff
madagascar on the couch in the BOSE store
mandy (to mikey): did you call me lastnight? lol
mikey: Hahah. Yyeeeaaaa. My ass called you. Sowwy.
mandy: lmao! gives a whole new meaning to “booty call”
mandy do you want a morsel?— Jeff’s Dad
mandy is my personal spell-checker— Jeff
Mandy’s Dad (to taxi driver): we need to go to Sea Tekk.
mandy: it’s Sea Trek, dad, and it was at some beach
Dad: yeah, sea tekk, that’s what i said
mandy: *rolls eyes*
Mandy’s Dad: it’s a Ford SuperDuty
Mandy’s Mom: a what?
Jeff: yanno, …duty
Mandy’s Dad: ok, well, get dressed, we’re leaving
mandy: uhh i am dressed…
Mandy’s Dad: oh, HAHA duh… right… i just.. you… him.. in bed…… I USED TO DRESS YOU!
Mandy’s mom: WAKE UP!
mandy: i’m eating pizza
Mandy’s mom: you’re what??
mandy: uh, i’m up!!
Mandy’s mom: well why don’t you wait until it’s not so hot
mandy: yer hot
mandy: *bites Jeff’s arm*
Jeff: who are you.. mike tyson?
mandy: it worked didnt it??
Jeff’s dad (in the other room): its not workinggg!
mandy: ev my tummy hurts, i can’t eat anymore :(
mandy: can we get it in a box?
Jeff: what? a box??
mandy: ask if we can get it in a box to take home
Jeff: no, the proper way to ask is, “can i get this wrapped up?”
mandy: no they’re not literally WRAPPING it up, it’s not a sub
Jeff: trust me
mandy: no! because they put it in a box
Jeff: it’s “can i get this wrapped up?”
mandy: no :| “can i have this in a box?”
Jeff: you’re wrong
mandy: no yer wrong.
Jeff: new yorkers are always right
mandy: get in the fort!! get in the fort!!
mandy: *talking into pretend walkie talkie* this is liddul ev to big ev, do you read??
mandy: PSSsst!! liddul ev to big ev!! do you read??
Jeff: *farrrrt*
*brief silence*
mandy: read you loud n clear…
mandy: Gosh, I feel like a cow.
Jeff: /me milks ev
mandy: hey deaf boy, like the NFL?
mandy: hey deaf boy, like the NFL?!?
mandy: i looked up at the ceiling randomly and i ever-so-casually said, “hey ev theres a bug in here!”
mandy: and he was like “where?? get the broom or something”
mandy: so i got the broom and we were chasing this fly around the apartment
mandy: and he kept brushing the ceiling with the broom
mandy: and ev thought he got him
mandy: so he freaks out
mandy: and drops the broom and rips his shirt off
mandy: and goes “is he on me?!?! is he on me?!?!”
mandy: and hes scruffing his hair around
mandy: and im like “uhh ev, hes over there”
mandy: and hes standing there shirtless
mandy: like “o.”
mandy: and he puts his shirt back on and keeps swinging for the fly
mandy: I love youuuu
Jeff: No you don’t! :(
mandy: …
mandy: Say, “I love you”
Jeff: I love you
mandy: No! Say “*I* love you”
Jeff: I do love you
mandy: Nooooo!
mandy: Me love you
mandy: …long time
mandy: i wonder what the best day for weddings is?
Jeff: probably october 2th
mandy: october tooth???
mandy: i’ll butter your peanut
Jeff: i’ll jam your jelly
mandy: i’m thirsty.
Jeff: want some of my water?
mandy: noo i need flavor
mandy: flava flav
Jeff: i was just gonna say that!!!
mandy: its like our brains are connected by USB!!
Jeff: no! firewire 800!
Jeff: no no!! USB 3.0!! it’s faster.
mandy: just because its called “Air” doesn’t mean it floats :P
Jeff: its light enough too
Jeff: :P
mandy: imagine sitting outside on a nice sunny summer day with your new Macbook Air.
mandy: a slight breeze sweeps it away
Jeff: LMAO
mandy: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
*Freekie lifts mandy’s head and fingers away from the keyboard
*Radien stabs mandy
Ryan: mandy
Ryan: mandy
Ryan: mandy
mandy: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Danny: woah
Radien: … is there a reason.. your doing that mandy?
Danny: o.o
Freekie: Radien she probabily faceplanted
Danny: yea just ignore it
Radien: its hard to ignore :/
Radien: I just wanna kick it
Freekie: Radien dont think about that..
Danny: …
usrbingeek: I think Jeff finally found her spot
mandy: my life is a rollercoaster :(
Jeff: well we need to get you off the ride
mandy: omg, doesn’t she remind you of Loie?
Mandy’s Dad: if you want her to
mandy: ROCKBUDDY, IT’S THAT NOT THT!
mandy: T – H – A – T
mandy: THAT.
Jeff: what is your problem??
mandy: AHH i just wanna hit him with a dictionary
Jeff: i’ll hit you with a dick
Jeff: …tionary
mandy: soo we just made a little bit o mess
mandy: :x
mandy: ev asked for a milkshake so i said “only if you stand here and keep me company while i make it” and he did
mandy: so i started gathering all of the necessary ingredients and putting them in the blending cup
mandy: ice cream, check! milk, check! spoonful of marshmallow fluff, check!
mandy: i turned the blender on and marshmallow started flying in every direction at 60 mph
mandy: my shirt is covered, my arms are covered, the walls and cabinets are covered, the knives are covered, the toaster oven is covered, the fridge is covered, the blender is covered, and ev is covered!
mandy: sup lovely
Jeff: not much
Jeff: basking in my own glory
Jeff: :x
mandy: oh boy
mandy: that’s ugly!
Jeff: yer ugly
mandy: this effing remote doesn’t work!!!!
Jeff: press down and wait for me to say go
mandy: *click*
Jeff: go
mandy: *click*
Jeff: go
mandy: *click*
Jeff: go
mandy: *click*
Jeff: go
mandy: *click*
Jeff: go
mandy: ahh it’s working!! :D
mandyiphone: we’re going to the gyn— mandy
mandyiphone: …..
mandyiphone: GYM!!**
Morlet
My boyfriend dumped me for a macbook— mandy
my crumples hurt :|— mandy
ninety-ten!
no i didwit!— Jeff
no sad faces! yer gonna get wrinkles!— Jeff
Peta? Peta King!— Jeff
regular man love!— Jeff
ROOF NOT RUFF— mandy
SANKS!— Jeff
say hello to my little friend— mandy
scrunchy face ev!!!— Jeff
Smelly belly
Snot-sucking at LaQuinta
So I went over to her and man, I have never seen anyone shake as much as she was. I swear, it was like she was meeting God.— Jeff
St-ha-hop!— Jeff
STEAMROLLER!
suck it up cupcake— mandy
Sup gooch!— Random guy on phone
sure about this?— Jeff
SWAT is gonna e-rrest you!!!!— Jeff
Take care of your computers
thanks to google talk……. SHIT!— Jeff
That’s one of the perks of dating you: I get to eat all of your food ^_^— Jeff
to the left, to the left!
Toll lady: Your parking fee is $140
Mandy’s Dad: $140?! Jesus Christ! I thought it was $20
Jeff: ….a day
Ultimate tick!
wanna piece?? wanna piece?!?!?— mandy
We were in Seattle for the Gnomedex 2009 conference, and one afternoon we stopped at the little cafe inside our hotel and started talking to the cashier. Jeff and the guy went on and on about local conferences, music and blink-182, and eventually at one point BestTechie.net came up, so naturally Jeff whipped out his business cards while I foolishly stood there fresh out of biz cards, with my hands on my hips and exclaimed in my cutest, high-pitched, girly-voice possible, “I’m a photographer!”— mandy
We were sitting in the (QUIET) waiting room at the Doctors office and Jeff was trying to take my picture and upload it to Flickr and I (accidently) screamed in an attempt to stop him.
*20 minutes later…*
Jeff: remember what was funny??
We’re goin to the chapel, and we’re gonnnnnnnnna get maaaaaaarried!
what do you know about computers??!— Jeff
What kind of outlandish question is that?!— mandy
Who stole the blankies from the other ev?!— mandy
would you like an english muffin? they literally hand you a toasted muffin with buttah and jam— mandy
wtg thinktank— mandy
wudn’t— Mandy’s mom
yer full of condensed monkey doodoo!!— mandy
yer in big trouble mister :|— mandy
yer the best pillow poofer there is!— Jeff
